I got laid off today from a job I had for 5 years. I’m feeling a torrent of emotions: fear, exhilaration, exhaustion, but most notably heartbreak. I loved my day job and who I worked with. However, my nice job at a nice company represented something more profound than that to me. It was the proof I had achieved a level of success in a career I built completely from scratch. I crawled from poverty to earn a title of Senior Designer in product/UX design and to earn a secure enough living to return to my true love: filmmaking.

Another feeling that is prominent in my mind — gratitude. Here are just a few reasons why:

• I have been spending the past few months returning to passions and spending time with loved ones, including my terminally sick cat, Mr. Business aka Biz.
• I have been expanding my skills that are relevant to my personal and professional life. I’ve been refocusing on my overall health.
• I didn’t destroy my physical or mental health for a job, something which I am prone to doing as the daughter of a workaholic and as someone who has been destitute.
• I didn’t get fired or was driven to quit, but instead I got laid off. I have severance and so many coworkers and friends are now shopping my resume around.
• I have some time to figure out what I really want my career to be.

Right now, I’m sitting with how scared I am and learning that feeling like that is totally okay.